


Not an Ultimatum

by Just_Another_Day



Series: A Debt Repaid, with Interest [3]
Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Angst, Burns, Implied/Referenced Canonical Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Abuse, Post-Canon, Series, Slavery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-02 13:18:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19199629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_Another_Day/pseuds/Just_Another_Day
Summary: Reuniting with Kallias doesn't go exactly the way Erasmus might have expected. If he'd ever thought to expect it at all, that is.





	Not an Ultimatum

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 'Burns' square of my Bad Things Happen Bingo card. Some of the background this might go a little over your head if you haven't read the first two fics in this series, but hey, up to you. Note that in addition to the tags, the fic contains some references to past Kallias/Kastor and Erasmus/Others, in line with canon.

Erasmus didn't know how precisely to describe what he felt for Prince Torveld. Gratefulness, certainly. Pleasure at being given the opportunity to come to know such a good man as well as he now did, and to have a designated place by that man's side. Erasmus might even have freely called the feeling love if this had been a different life; a life where the thought that this wasn't really the same thing as what he'd felt once before didn't intrude into his mind from time to time, reminding him of what he'd lost, and what he was sure would never be regained at this point. The bar had been set too high. Though Erasmus did genuinely like Torveld. And Erasmus was content with serving him, just as he would have been content to serve a great man like Prince Damianos if things hadn't been so thoroughly derailed. 

That didn't mean it necessarily would have been his first choice. But getting to make a choice of that calibre wasn't a luxury afforded to slaves. At least Erasmus knew for a fact that being with Torveld was a thousand times better than how it might have been for him under other circumstances.

Even when he'd seen Kallias again for the first time since Kallias had kissed him and shoved him away, and Kallias had whispered apologies into Erasmus's neck, Erasmus still had to accept that what he had with Prince Torveld was the best that he could ever expect from his life. There were some things a slave simply wasn't allowed to have.

So it was a shock when Prince Torveld pressed his palm to Erasmus's cheek and informed him that Erasmus would be remaining in Akielos when the Prince departed back to Patras later that day. 

Erasmus had been called a hopeless optimist more than once in his life, so maybe it was fitting that he'd just somehow never considered that Prince Torveld might ever grow tired of him and give him away. Even if he'd thought otherwise, it would still have been a surprise that it was coming so soon. He hadn't even been with Prince Torveld for an entire year. And Erasmus couldn't think of anything that he'd done wrong. Nor had he seen no signs that his presence was no longer as welcome as it once had been.

He'd really thought…

"I wish it didn't need to be this way," Prince Torveld said.

It didn't, Erasmus wanted to reply. This was the _Prince_. Surely he had the power to choose to keep Erasmus, if he really wanted to. But for all that Prince Torveld had encouraged Erasmus to express himself, it still wasn't Erasmus's place to speak up against his master like that. And what would it help to do so anyway? The Prince's mind was clearly already made up.

And yet Prince Torveld must still have sensed through Erasmus's silence that he was upset, for he went on to try to explain himself. "The Kyros's offer was too generous for me to decline. I put my own interest over the interests of Patras once before, when you asked it of me. This time, my duty to my brother and to my country really must come first."

Erasmus wasn't sure how he could have argued against that point even if he'd been in a position to do so.

"Or at least that's the lie I try to tell myself to convince myself I'm a stronger man than I really am," Prince Torveld added. "Because honestly, I still might not have made this decision if that was all there was to it, even knowing that I should. But I'd be harming more than my country by turning this offer down. After all, how can I keep you from your own home country, where you can be close to that young man who I've barely been able to pry you away from since the day we arrived? I like to think I'm not cruel enough for that. Not even to keep you by my side."

Kallias, Erasmus realised. Prince Torveld meant that Erasmus would be allowed to remain near Kallias. Something that Erasmus hesitated to put a name to pressed at his mind. 

But no. Proximity hadn't been the only barrier between them. Erasmus shouldn't let himself get so carried away. Erasmus was still to be bound to another man, after all. As, presumably, was Kallias, though Kallias hadn't actually answered him when Erasmus had tried to hesitantly ask if Kallias was now pledged to the man Erasmus had seen him in the company of, since his former master was… gone. Erasmus had to assume, when Kallias brushed the question off, that it was too raw a topic for Kallias to speak about just yet. Erasmus would have felt the same way about addressing his own past, if not for Prince Torveld helping him to discuss it openly, and to heal from it. Though he hoped that Kallias's reticence had more to do with his former master than his current one. Erasmus wanted to believe that Kallias's current master was a good man who treated him well.

Though it seemed that Erasmus might be finding out for himself how good a master the man was, Erasmus thought, as he was introduced to the Kyros who had struck the deal with Torveld. It was the same man he'd seen Kallias with. 

The Kyros didn't treat him as a master would, though. He spoke of freedom. Erasmus didn't understand.

But Kallias did. Kallias wept openly over it. Shocked, Erasmus wondered how terrible his new situation must be to make Kallias cry for him, when Kallias had managed to remain stone-faced even as he'd had Erasmus sent off to Vere. ("Only to save you," Kallias had sworn when they'd met again, "though I'd understand if you won't forgive me for it." As if Erasmus hadn't forgiven him even before Kallias had spoken.)

But then Kallias had smiled and reassured him. And Erasmus had finally let himself put a name to that burgeoning feeling that had been building: hope. 

*

they were alone in their joined set of rooms, where Kallias had apparently been staying for quite some time now. It was rather opulent compared to how the training house had been. Perhaps that was the Veretian influence which Erasmus could see now creeping over the region. Or maybe that was simply how it was for the slave of a Kyros.

 _Former_ slave, Erasmus had to remind himself. He could still scarcely believe it.

Apparently Kallias was having some difficulty with it too, for his eyes were at Erasmus's throat, where the collar had been until an hour ago.

"Come here," Kallias said, apparently wanting a closer look.

He spoke so confidently that Erasmus had the strange urge to kneel for him, even though they'd always been equals, and even though Erasmus was no one's slave anymore. 

Kallias reached carefully for Erasmus's throat when Erasmus stepped close enough. Erasmus shivered at the sensation of Kallias's fingers brushing over his newly-bared skin there, partly because he was unused to anything but the feeling of the firm press of gold, and partly because Kallias was _touching him_. Even though it wasn't in one of the forbidden places, it still felt illicit. But it wasn't anymore. They could do as they liked.

That thought made Erasmus somehow feel both elated and terrified at the same moment.

Erasmus clutched nervously at the hem of his tunic, bunching the material there in his fist. It was a habit he picked up in Vere, which he had tried but so far failed to shake. The movement drew Kallias's eyes downward. His eyes widened at what he saw there. Erasmus realised his mistake a moment too late.

Erasmus pushed the material back down, as if hiding the sight of his upper thigh from Kallias now could erase what Kallias had clearly already spotted. "Don't look," Erasmus begged. It was one thing to let Prince Torveld see his scars and call them a sign of Erasmus's strength rather than something of which he needed to be ashamed. Prince Torveld had never known Erasmus before he'd been damaged, so he had nothing to compare it to. But Kallias's memories of Erasmus were all of the time when he was whole and untouched. 

"Let me see," Kallias instructed. His voice was tight. With disgust? It certainly seemed that way to Erasmus.

Even as ashamed as he was, Erasmus did allow Kallias to pull his tunic up so that  
the scars left by his branding were bared.

"This is my fault, isn't it," Kallias said flatly. 

Oh. It wasn't disgust at Erasmus's ugliness, then. It was self-disgust.

"You didn't know –"

"Yes I did," Kallias admitted. "I knew you would be hated, as an Akielon in Vere. I knew it would be terrible for you. But you would be alive. Even knowing what it would probably cost you, that was all I could let myself care about. I didn't hesitate to hurt you."

Erasmus's skin was permanently marked, as was his mind. No one – himself included – would ever be able to look at his naked body without seeing the evidence of at least some of what had been done to him. Erasmus would probably never be able to go near an open flame without flinching away. Sometimes he woke whimpering in the night from dreams of the laughing men burning him again, and then again, as he tried (and failed) to suppress the screams the way they ordered him to do. And he was changed in other ways too, from having his sheltered expectations shattered. His 'First Night' had been nothing like he'd been led to anticipate. He'd been punished even when he was showing perfect form. He'd been treated more like an object than a man, and not one of any great value at that.

And yet Erasmus couldn't say he wouldn't have chosen all of that himself, had it been his decision rather than Kallias's. Maybe Erasmus would have said differently if he'd been asked while he'd still be in Arles, but now, knowing that going through all of that would lead him back here, he would have accepted even worse to avoid dying along with any other slaves who wore Prince Damianos's pin. Because then he never would have seen Kallias again.

"I would understand if you hated me, after what I've done to you," Kallias said. "And you're free now. You don't have to stay here with me if you don't want to."

"If I'm free to do as I please," Erasmus said softly, "then I'm not going anywhere. Not as long as you're here."

Kallias continued to look troubled, but he didn't fight it when Erasmus found the courage to pull him into an awkward embrace. 

*

Erasmus had expected to spend the night curled in bed beside Kallias. Instead, Kallias had suggested he sleep in the other adjoined room. Erasmus supposed it was for the best that they have time to adjust to… things, before trying to progress them. But it still felt strange to voluntarily separate himself from Kallias when they could have stayed together.

The following morning, Erasmus was woken by the sound of the door in the other room opening and closing. Then Erasmus heard muffled voices out in the hallway.

Erasmus pressed his own door open just a sliver, so he could see and hear through the crack. He wasn't a slave anymore, he reasoned. He couldn't be punished for his curiosity. Could he?

He saw Kallias first, unsurprisingly. And the other voice apparently belonged to the Kyros. Whose name was Nikandros, Erasmus had found out soon after meeting the man and being freed by him. Kallias spoke his name with more fondness than Erasmus had ever heard him use towards anyone but Erasmus himself.

"I don't know how to thank you," Kallias was saying to Nikandros.

"There's no need."

"Of course there is. You made a bargain with no gain to yourself."

"I wouldn't say that," Nikandros replied. "Seeing you happy is a reward, isn't it?"

Erasmus felt even more taken aback than Kallias looked. "I don't know. Is it?"

Nikandros shook his head, but it didn't seem like a denial, exactly. It was simply rueful. "Don't pretend to be ignorant now. You knew how I felt well enough to use it to your benefit."

"I thought that would have changed, given how things were the last time we spoke."

"I can't turn my feelings off as easily as you."

Erasmus wanted to speak up; to defend Kallias. He'd had similar thoughts about Kallias himself, truthfully, in his darker moments. But Erasmus knew better now, and he regretted thinking badly of Kallias. He hated seeing someone else do the same now.

But even as a free man, Erasmus couldn't imagine dressing down a Kyros. Just the idea of it made him tremble. 

And even if he could have, Kallias wouldn't appreciate knowing that Erasmus had been listening in on a clearly private conversation, though, let alone having Erasmus jump to his defence. Kallias was too proud for that.

And unlike Erasmus, he was also too proud to back down even against the Kyros, it seemed. He raised his chin boldly to look Nikandros directly in the face. 

Or rather, he tilted his face towards Nikandros's so that he could lean in for a kiss. 

Considering that was just about the last thing that Erasmus had been expecting to see just then, it took Erasmus even longer to process the nature of what he was witnessing than it took for Nikandros to push Kallias back just before their lips touched.

"I told you, I don't require repayment," Nikandros said. "And certainly not that kind. I thought I'd already made it clear to you that that isn't what I want the last time."

He walked away before Kallias could respond. 

Though Kallias did so anyway, even if Nikandros was too far away by then to hear his quiet words: "It was never just about payment."

Erasmus ducked back into the room before Kallias could turn and see him spying.

*

That night, they sat side by side on the wide chair in Kallias's room. It was more neutral territory than the bed, Erasmus thought, which would have been Erasmus's choice. But Kallias seemed determined not to press too hard. 

Kallias had his arm curled around Erasmus's waist, but otherwise wasn't touching him. It was a far cry from the kind of intimacy Erasmus might have expected them to quickly work up to had someone ever told him that he and Kallias would be allowed to be together however they chose. 

Erasmus would have assumed that the reason for the distance between them was just because Kallias was being cautious, knowing that Erasmus had been touched harshly in the past and might benefit from a gentler and slower approach. Or even because getting closer might mean baring Erasmus's burns again, the sight of which seemed to flood Kallias with fresh waves of guilt. 

But based on what he'd seen and heard earlier, maybe, instead, it was because Kallias's desire was elsewhere. Erasmus didn't think he'd imagined how Kallias had wanted him before… _before_. But that had been many months ago, and so many things had happened during their separation, to both of them. Things like that could change, surely. It hadn't for Erasmus, but he couldn't speak for Kallias. 

"You're free too, you know," Erasmus forced himself to say. "You don't have to stay with me if you don't want to. You shouldn't feel obliged just because I'm back here."

It was the last thing Erasmus really _wanted_ to say, but as Prince Torveld had said, it would be cruel to hold someone you cared about back from what they really desired just because you wanted to keep them close. Erasmus didn't know how to be cruel. Especially not to Kallias.

"What are you talking about?" Kallias asked.

"The Kyros," Erasmus said. He felt Kallias stiffen slightly. "You want to be with him, don't you?"

Kallias could have lied. He was good enough at it that Erasmus would probably have believed him, even. But although Kallias had never had a problem with dishonesty, the only time Kallias had ever done so with Erasmus in particular had been the one time it was absolutely necessary for Erasmus's safety. Erasmus had seen Kallias's regret for having to do so. He doubted that Kallias would willingly do so again over something like this. So when Kallias said, "Not the way I want you," Erasmus understood that it was almost certainly the truth.

But he also understood that that wasn't actually a denial, either. And it was slightly different, Erasmus noted, from even saying that he didn't want Nikandros _as much_ as he wanted Erasmus. 

Erasmus thought of the fondness he continued to feel towards Prince Torveld even though being with Kallias was now finally more than a distant unreachable dream. He might always feel that way. He would never wish to give up Kallias to return to Prince Torveld, but part of him did wish that he could somehow have had both of them in his life, even if it was in different ways. 

Was this tension that Erasmus had watched playing out between Kallias and Nikandros a sign of something like that? In that case, wouldn't it be hypocritical and rather pointless for Erasmus to be jealous of it?

"I'm not leaving you ever again unless you outright order me to," Kallias assured him.

And Erasmus was never going to do that. 

They'd never been in a position to make promises to each other before. Not really. Saying that they'd be able to spend time together as slaves of the two Princes wasn't really the same thing at all. But now they actually could swear themselves to each other. And Kallias seemed genuine in his desire to do so.

Erasmus nodded, willing to take Kallias at his word.

Though it occurred to him later that, unlike with Torveld, Nikandros wasn't going anywhere. Technically, Kallias didn't have to make a cut-and-dried choice in quite the same way as Erasmus would have needed to (had the choice actually been left to him in the first place). Kallias actually could have both men in his life.

Erasmus wondered whether Kallias himself realised what that meant, and what would happen when he did.


End file.
